Anxiety Among Veterans
11th June 2010Featured, Reflections2 Comments
How does our Yoga practice make us feel better when we are blue? At both the Veterans Center and the Women’s Prison I was forced to ask this question this week. In this post I will write about the veterans and in the following I will continue with a different situation in the prison. Both address universal spiritual/emotional issues, so I hope you will reflect on how they might apply to your life and share the practices that have helped you by commenting on this post.
Last Friday in the Spirituality meeting at the Veterans Center the question posed by the visiting Rabi was whether hope or courage were more necessary in the recovery process. As the veterans grappled with the semantics of hope versus faith, the conversation turned to a darker question. Many of the men, more so than the women, felt they needed hope or faith that God would forgive them in order to summon the courage to continue their struggles. So many of these men worry that they are unforgivable and are discouraged. Although they show up for programs, many have to find a way to feel deserving of success. Otherwise they sabotage their own progress.
I can’t say that many of the men left the meeting well enough reassured, but a few followed me to yoga. How could I use this precious time to rekindle their hearts? As humans we continuously forget the divinity within ourselves and The practice of Loving Kindness can serve as a reminder. How can I be unforgivable if divinity lives within me? In Genesis, Man is created in God’s image. In the Acts of the Apostles, the Holy Spirit enters the apostles and metaphorically all the children of God. Hindus believe that every being contains a spark or facet of divine nature. I decided to begin class with a version of the Buddhist Loving Kindness meditation that I learned in my yoga teacher training based on Jack Kornfield’s spiritual guide, A Path with Heart.
The practice involves visualizing oneself and others while reciting to oneself the following mantra: “May I be filled with Loving Kindness, May I be well, May I be peaceful and at ease, May I be Happy”. Traditionally the meditation begins by focusing on a personal deity, mentor, teacher, family member or friend whom we already hold in high esteem and holding their image or memory in our mind and heart. As we recite the loving kindness mantra it is helpful to notice how our bodies respond to the well wishing. Does our breath change? We then each focus the meditation towards ourself. Does this feel different from wishing another well? Does our breath feel different? We continue this practice of reciting the mantra, multiple times if we choose, and feeling it resonate in our physical bodies as we focus on a neutral person, a troublesome person, and then all beings. A neutral being is someone we see regularly. He or she could be our mail carrier, a checkout person at Big Y, or a fellow classmate. We know little about this person and feel neither great attraction nor discomfort in their presence. The troublesome being should be someone we know (not a politician or abstract media personage). As we wish them well it may help to remember the divinity that lives in them that they may have forgotten.
Today the Rabi led Spirituality again. He seemed to have reflected on the practice of loving oneself in the process of following the directives of the prophet Mica who taught that all men should live with justice and mercy and walk humbly with God. We must be just and merciful towards ourselves as well as towards others. In the last phrase the Rabi suggested that we put the emphasis on the with and to consider God our constant companion. In yoga, every interpersonal interaction is an opportunity to practice communing with divinity. This is why the greeting Namaste (I recognize and honor the divinity within you) is such a powerful salutation, both as Hello and as Goodbye. Curiously, I have heard that Good Bye comes from the phrase, God be with you.
In my class I discussed some of these parallels between the Judeo-Christian tradition and Hindu-Buddhist philosophy. We practiced Loving Kindness again in the same form as last week, as I’m still interested in building default practices. There are many other beautiful phrases that can be used to wish ourselves and others well, including some that take the form of affirmations, and I will lead them after the basic practice becomes more established. I may have my students write down the phrases that they most wish they could hear from their God and encourage them to use this language in their personal meditations.
❖ All grapes long to become wine.
2 responses to "Anxiety Among Veterans"
0:30 on July 8th, 2010
I was deeply moved when I read about the discussion with the veterans, and efforts to show them ways to cope. My father was a veteran in Germany, obviously on the wrong side in The War. He had lost a leg, we, his children, had never known him otherwise but did not know how he had lost it, and were not interested. We didn’t want to hear about the war, and he didn’t talk about it until much much later. I feel so sad about that now, and guilty; he must have had such a sense of isolation and loneliness. His feelings were rarely expressed, certainly not in a manner that would have been supportive of himself. My brother and I were afraid of him, of his anger, which was not directed at us but at our mother. There was also a sense of shame that permeated our family life, keep the trouble hidden, don’t talk about it. It is hard for me even now to write about it. I am so concerned about what the current war does to the soldiers and their families. How to fathom the continuing hidden cost, the huge impact being at war has not only the soldiers themselves, but also their families, and on this country. What to do, how to help. The concept of loving kindness is such a sensible way to start to maybe lessen the hurt, as it can be approached in modest portions – leave the big God issues aside for now, and if feeling undeserving (which none of us is) for ourselves, we can send loving kindness to those we harmed (to myself, by being indifferent to my father, and even ashamed of him), and to my dad, who had no tools other than drinking to deal with the pains. I think Yoga can be such a practical tool to just learn how to pay attention to our own body, before even noticing feelings, maybe for now even skipping the being happy part – that possibility might not feel “real” at the start. I wish I had a chance to put things right with my dad, but he died at age 63. I’m writing this in hopes that it might encourage someone to reach out, try out the tools, give themselves a chance, and loving kindness.
9:27 on July 8th, 2010
Wow! Thank you for sharing your personal story so clearly and passionately! It is hard enough for me to wrap my mind around the difficulties of returning American soldiers and their families, yet your perspective as a child of a veteran on the “losing side” broadens my understanding of the tragedy of war. Your personal use of Yoga and meditation speaks powerfully to the practical use of mindfulness without unrealistic goals. Meanwhile, I am still struggling to compose another PTSD reflection inspired by the International Arts and Ideas panel of veterans. I want to raise awareness of the issue of PTSD and suggest Yoga as a healing practice, but lack the authority of direct personal experience in the military. You have inspired me to search for veteran support sites to comment on and link to in an effort to bring your message to a broader audience. I haven’t yet delved into that world…
Today’s NY Times (7/8/10) has an article about easing disability rules to cover Stress Disorder. I agree with Dr. Sally Satel, a psychiatrist and fellow at the American Enterprise Institute who is entirely sympathetic to the difficulties facing returning veterans, but is quoted as saying, “as a clinician, it is destructive to give someone total and permanent disability when they are in fact capable of working, even if it is not at full capacity. A job is the most therapeutic thing there is.” In addition to job counseling, I would add mindfulness trainings to the list of reimbursable services approved by the Veterans Administration.